come by next shed

of rain sucking down ₁
through soil, i think ₂
i shall die, ₃
be sucked down ₄
in beds of lye ₅
and thank only the sweet ₆
giving sky and you ₇
for your different help, ₈
both of you. ₉
thank you for your purity ₁₀
sweet tranquility. ₁₁
i will worship ₁₂
as much of that, ₁₃
at least the illusion of that ₁₄
from my death bed, ₁₅
from my death bed, ₁₆
from my death bed, ₁₇
from my death bed, ₁₈
from my death bed, ₁₉
from my death bed, ₂₀
from my breath said ₂₁
come sky and ask the dead ₂₂
n’why they nod heads ₂₃
on necks thick as breads ₂₄
and chew grave grass instead ₂₅
of the fear that you ₂₆
breast fed the children, ₂₇
to our children, ₂₈
to those children ₂₉
alive and some by nest fled– ₃₀
fledglings to the sky, ₃₁
the greedy sky ₃₂
eats them while i worship, ₃₃
while i lie down to die. ₃₄
5.4.93 2.04

the wicked witch of kansas

the lacking heart, ₁
the missing brain, ₂
the absent courage, ₃
stealing home in the rain; ₄
pulls colors one at a time ₅
from every single frame. ₆
31.10.95

end

“der was dis wintry angel ₁
tru da clothes ₂
kissing on my nipples,” ₃
she said ₄
soft and simple, ₅
dreamy. memory coming. ₆
but i felt the wind. ₇
13.3.93

the third girl

i found some other girls ₁
not to replace because ₂
of what that implies ₃
but i’ll tell you ₄
this much, tristan’s ₅
prettier than you ever were ₆
and at least alex never lies. ₇
the heartless nature reminds ₈
me that i must have been ₉
a fool to stand for you ₁₀
and try to build a home, ₁₁
a daily substitute for what ₁₂
my life was meant to be, ₁₃
destroying preconceived romes. ₁₄
i escaped with something ₁₅
i know. now i’ll share the ₁₆
song of the third girl ₁₇
and you can let me in on ₁₈
what it shows. ₁₉

the third girl is a child ₂₀
but she’s up on you, ₂₁
seventeen springs, she sings ₂₂
that images are imaginings ₂₃
and flesh is funny, ₂₄
the entire existence of this ₂₅
style and place is so absurd ₂₆
and contains so little conviction ₂₇
that she has even prayed ₂₈
for personal extinction ₂₉
once or twice, ₃₀
but that was before she found ₃₁
out that there were others here, ₃₂
i really don’t want to offer ₃₃
you false hope ₃₄
but there are others, ₃₅
there’s just no guarantee ₃₆
you’ll find them, ₃₇
or stay one of them if you do. ₃₈
the third girl keeps ₃₉
a little gold dragon that ₄₀
swims in air and tastes ₄₁
like a banana popsicle, ₄₂
she keeps it for me ₄₃
so i know it’s always there. ₄₄
it wasn’t in the shower last ₄₅
night with alex or ₄₆
in the place in tristan’s eyes ₄₇
but she sang it recently like this ₄₈
and i only wish i could lie: ₄₉

“the scarecrow was my envy, ₅₀
the tin man had my need, ₅₁
the lion earned what i once tried ₅₂
and a wicked witch stole from me. ₅₃

“oz was at the doorknob and ₅₄
witches on my cardinal points, ₅₅
wizard of emerald city ₅₆
saved what i’d anoint. ₅₇

“dori came far to conquer, ₅₈
she beat the worst they had, ₅₉
she found friends who’d never turn ₆₀
and still the bitch was sad. ₆₁

“she cried and told the wizard ₆₂
that kansas was the place to be, ₆₃
she swore that oz was wonderful ₆₄
but i guess she couldn’t see. ₆₅

“now i stand in desert moonshine ₆₆
feeling melancholy kansas rain, ₆₇
as my mind cracks and bends ₆₈
my empty soul is filled refrain, ₆₉

“was she stupid, was she too young, ₇₀
was she plain old fashioned insane? ₇₁
i guess it’s just too bad ₇₂
the wizard didn’t give dorothy a brain.” ₇₃
14.4.91

hate: variations on a theme of my youth

1 ₁
to be made of hate; ₂
let every vanishing bird ₃
own my gaze. ₄
this desert oasis, ₅
the persistence of fate; ₆
and if purity of one single ₇
emotion is all i’m to take ₈
then i’ll take what i ordered; ₉
it’s a good enough plate. ₁₀

2 ₁₁
to be made of hate ₁₂
is not hard long ₁₃
for it hardens the hater. ₁₄

3 ₁₅
to be made of hate ₁₆
is good; ₁₇
to be without its complement ₁₈
is right; ₁₉
for what efficacy is love ₂₀
once seeds are sown at night? ₂₁

4 ₂₂
to be made of hate ₂₃
is pretty, ₂₄
even the reflection agrees, ₂₅
for what higher flattery ₂₆
is mimicry? ₂₇
what higher praise? ₂₈
all hate inspires imitation ₂₉
in or out of phase. ₃₀

5 ₃₁
to be made of hate i never aspired; ₃₂
a lucky career i fell into; ₃₃
just a natural talent, ₃₄
a success that had to be, ₃₅
a supply you’ve all demanded. ₃₆

6 ₃₇
to be made of hate was all the rage ₃₈
and it burned out more than it brought of age. ₃₉

7 ₄₀
to be made of hate or not to be; ₄₁
to be made or unmade ₄₂
a creator presupposes. ₄₃
where i unmade her the green grass grows, ₄₄
is just of cutting height ₄₅
when she remade me. ₄₆

8 ₄₇
to be made of hate is sung as if it ₄₈
were a poem ₄₉
and perhaps it once would be ₅₀
when justice courted felicity, ₅₁
when you were true and i was me ₅₂
and the sky alone fouled the sea– ₅₃
see now the operation ₅₄
of human integrity, ₅₅
see your tiny lies add up and ₅₆
fill those seas ₅₇
and still deny complicity. ₅₈
i’m made of hate because i can see ₅₉
human evil is scaled ₆₀
only by each human’s capacities. ₆₁

9 ₆₂
to be made of hate for fucking bitches ₆₃
i chose to fuck and thus ₆₄
hate switches upon itself. ₆₅
to be made of hate implies ₆₆
all hated things are ₆₇
contained within ₆₈
my freewill’s borderlines. ₆₉

10 ₇₀
to be made of hate, ₇₁
to kiss the fear ₇₂
that love dilute; ₇₃
to accept a nature ₇₄
to copulate ₇₅
with this at least resolute. ₇₆

11 ₇₇
to be made of hate i’ve pride ₇₈
worn like a canary ₇₉
as fine pitched ₈₀
in memory i now quiet; ₈₁
made of quiet ₈₂
made an ocean of quiet ₈₃
you can almost hear– ₈₄
between you and me, ₈₅
between the moon and here. ₈₆
26.4.98

make myself an albatross

that is to say that i would take ₁
a wooden splinter or a thirty eight ₂
loaded with silver, ₃
into my heartmouth ₄
and i would be alright, ₅
you would be left as loss, ₆
never to fly south, ₇
with this me around your neck. ₈
26.3.93

the winter apple

hung a rotten miracle, ₁
into mid february; ₂
this thing inside me ₃
that hung me spit venom ₄
make me laugh at it, ₅
smile cat eaten canary. ₆
10.2.93

study for another year of drought

by a miracle cure enchanted regret ₁
for the seeds unsown and the stones unset ₂
lords over a wasteland of manic desolation; ₃
each fragile parsing idea ₄
grasped and flattened ₅
and ground to soil, ₆
contaminated with a desire nuclear in formation, ₇
without the weather to precipitate, ₈
it’s a leveled and luke warm damnation. ₉
9.10.98

scytheless harvest

several years passed since nineteen eighty four, ₁
a patient serval watched my door ₂
from a tree in the neighbor’s yard. ₃
mail piled to the vigas on the porch, ₄
they cut off the power, ₅
i used torches, ₆
they tapped the phone, ₇
i acted natural and ₈
when i was alone ₉
i told myself it was over. ₁₀
apologetic lovers ₁₁
whose pride had gone ₁₂
came to the door ₁₃
and said they’d been wrong, ₁₄
but i stayed inside ₁₅
remembering the tricks. ₁₆
emily called the nights ₁₇
i was weak ₁₈
to remind me of ₁₉
the tricks they play. ₂₀
“not in summer’s or winter’s hands, ₂₁
not in straighted seaways or rocky hinterlands, ₂₂
i will be here,” she says, “they won’t get me,” ₂₃
and i love her for it but ₂₄
emily, what are we? ₂₅
what are we doing, really? ₂₆
28.11.90

i am in the remembering.

i am in the remembering ₁
and you are in the smoke. ₂
i am in the remembering ₃
and i am become dangerous, ₄
when sober so long ₅
the buggies stop saying so long– ₆

they roost, they flock, ₇
they truck, they block, ₈
they say, “hey! we’re here to say–” ₉
they plot, they shuck ₁₀
they clot, they stock ₁₁
up for the long haul to next may. ₁₂

i will truck no distraction, ₁₃
i will suffer no degradation of resolution ₁₄
for i am in the remembering and you are in the smoke. ₁₅
22.2.96

another war song

we could play with words ₁
if willing letters ₂
ate like birds. ₃
the good lay myth heard ₄
round the town ₅
that i let her bait ₆
dyke kurds into the open; ₇
they got thin, ₈
they got mean, ₉
they majored in shop, ₁₀
they ate killer bees, ₁₁
you know you are what you east– ₁₂
a brewer’s infected sun won’t shine yeast, ₁₃
and they are to be like unto these. ₁₄
they will lie under stones ₁₅
in turkestan dirt ₁₆
with words every bit as dead, ₁₇
playing every tiny bit as hurt, ₁₈
printed in chalk until the next rain ₁₉
on boards over their heads. ₂₀
23.10.94

rewrite #6

the lie of joy stealing in the shotgun reach; ₁
or the timing of sand, the sanding of a beach ₂
to the beat of stars and their pulses in the ether; ₃
the choice i’d take: i’d take neither. ₄
10.10.96

where i am

where i am is in a tub of jam ₁
and i jam on a tuba too. ₂
what i am is i am what i am ₃
and i am in a tub of goo. ₄
23.28 1.5.95

rewrite #5

the familiarity of family ₁
pulled the teeth right out of me; ₂
clumsy dental surgery, wet, bloody and gummy. ₃
25.12.95

gnashville ’95

elvis and jack kennedy ₁
met me and my pal barnaby– ₂
we were going to gnashville ₃
with our dash filled with marys, man. ₄

when you thought of the unthinkable, ₅
realized the titanic was sinkable ₆
and a world can be sucked gone with plastic straws, ₇
did that spark your panic ₈
or was it something more manic ₉
that drove you out on the reservation of caw? ₁₀

i was on the grill, you know ₁₁
(sorry, i’m drunk, i meant to type girl), ₁₂
and though her name was barbie ₁₃
she was something of a haiku wannabe ₁₄
with a published poem about a miscarried baby ₁₅
and her ransom was a punchline everybody knew, ₁₆
so i hit her. so? ₁₇

the moonstone and grendel and all the king’s men ₁₈
couldn’t put kennedy back together again ₁₉
and barnaby has this laugh and this way and this…man, ₂₀
he finds himself unable to hate again, so i hate (for) him. ₂₁
1.40 6.5.95

raven may

one raven called ₁
a thousand voices ₂
devoid of color ₃
against celibate calm ₄
as void silhouettes ₅
matted on dawn. ₆
8.1.92

working: for espresso

because i can smell coffee grounds ₁
in your sinning organ ₂
jeans will grind you to ₃
your choice spasm; ₄
your quiver per diem; ₅
your holy white light; ₆
your percolated orgasm; ₇
your feminine birthright. ₈
18.20 5.5.98

should #4

should color come to my best friend ₁
and orange kisses not amend ₂
a misspoken phrase of granular regret; ₃
those sands run fierce and the glass is set. ₄
16.3.97

the pumpkin tree on the lethe

the polarity of my sobriety ₁
held out a bottle printed drink me. ₂
laxity became my fame; ₃
my insanity at last gone lame ₄
with me limping to catch up, ₅
hangdog with shame. ₆
one last strike at my manifold enemy, ₇
one last chance to prove i belong in the game. ₈
29.5.98

should #1

should fear caress me, gentle brother, ₁
of love, of hive, of mortal mothers, ₂
and close cousin girls unbloodied and bleeding ₃
met at the gate at the closing of eden. ₄
8.3.97