I used to berate and belittle—um, literally?—Calvin for constantly claiming he was 6'5". He was a bit taller than I and I am 6'2" so every time he brought up his height, especially in front of women, I’d call him a liar. He’d counter by saying I was wrong about being 6'2". I’d point out to everyone that I had no reason to short myself, ho-ho, so Calvin must be the one exagerating his length.

That’s how everyone came to distrust Calvin and feel that he was always trying just a little too hard to be something more than he was in fact. There were even rumors his exagerations of stature extended to all parts extending.

Calvin is a much better guitar player than I am. And you. And everyone you know that plays guitar. And everyone you think is the best guitar player you’ve ever heard. I’m not. None of those. So, I’ll tell you, I didn’t mind having the frequent chance to undermine.

Recently, tired of reading about the bones in the feet and bored in the doctor’s office, I stepped up, besocked, to the old measuring tape and gave the level a shove up and back to meet my head. Turns out I’m well over 6'3", almost 6'4".

So I guess I owe you an apology, Calvin… But you still don’t wash dishes very well!!!

I generally dislike roses but this one is mild enough—in appearance and scent—to be quite nice. The shadows make it blue-shifted a bit.

Sometimes pictures just take themselves.

Don’t know what they are. They’re in the neighbor’s yard, against the street.

Update: they are Crocosmia Lucifer. How about that?

4 July 2006. Ashamed. With the knowledge that there have been more shameful chapters in this lady’s history than are generally repeated. Still, this experiment outdistances all else. First in personal rights, first in commerce, first in armed forces, first in invention, first in scholarship (with 3 times the Nobel prizes of the nearest runner up and 200 times most comers)…

We’re not yet first in corruption, or torture, or human rights abuse, or theft, or violence, or even murder, or any number of other things even more ignorant nations like England peg us for.

Still, a shameful state in which we find ourselves. A state which would be unrecognizable to the men and women who created it and willed it to us.

Don’t know the species today. Looks a lot like water damage on the wings. I suppose it’s supposed to be aspen bark.

Update: it’s an emerald moth; there are many species and subspecies and I can’t find a perfect match. Closest seems to be Chlorocoma assimilis and it’s certainly in the Geometrinae subfamily. Might be the adult of this fella I posted earlier as Geometrinae are “inch worm” caterpillars before they metamorphosize.

I know. Enough with the flowers already. I just like wild roses much better than cultivars.

death, devil, & moon

azra-el: ₁
i have been in the round corners, ₂
i have heard human secrets as great as yours, ₃
and i have never blinked. ₄
i did the work of more than you or he. ₅

satan-el: ₆
i am not the jailer, you are, ₇
i only hold stewardship of a great land, ₈
i do not brag as you do ₉
and i do not clutch at god’s chill hand. ₁₀

sari-el: ₁₁
if you are humble then i see in color, ₁₂
there is no argument about your power, ₁₃
but what i hear the mothers hum their children ₁₄
is almost enough to make me find religion. ₁₅
1.11.95

So that’s what I didn’t get to see the other day when I got nailed by a crow.

Today I heard a strange and loud bird cry overhead. It was one of the resident red-tailed hawks complaining about being chased by crows. He parked in the biggest maple tree. The crows set about strafing him. They continued for a couple minutes before, as always, they drove him off to find a more tranquil roost.

The one below is my favorite. It’s blurry but you can see the crow is twisting his head around, totally focused on where the hawk is as he wheels for another rake with the talons.

september 1994: the windy day it got dark early

we buried hate, ₁
you and me ₂
and a choir of dogwood trees ₃
with a new moon beneath our feet ₄
and i wanted to ₅
make sure you made it ₆
home okay ₇
for one second. ₈
you whispered some words in irish ₉
and i wanted to see you home safely. ₁₀
21.9.94

Just for the color. It’s my favorite and never found it so perfectly before in nature.

box i

it was fun ₁

(it was first time, ₂
it was garden salad, ₃
this is marriage talk and i’m ₄
singing the carriage ballad) ₅

but scary when she proposed ₆
that we nestle down in nettles, ₇
take off the clothes ₈
and practice banging what we ₉
had no right to call kettles. ₁₀

the retroactive malice was impractical. ₁₁
that i, the boy, ₁₂
should touch your chalice ₁₃
was improbable ₁₄
but i did ₁₅
and this or nothing, ₁₆
you can trust, ₁₇
you can taste these fingers ₁₈
if you must. impossible? ₁₉
say so quietly ₂₀
and this is bowl of fruit, ₂₁
this is still birth, ₂₂
beg me to forget, ₂₃
i think i shall not ₂₄
till i lay breathing beetle worms ₂₅
tucked in the earth. ₂₆

when it was done and i was hid, ₂₇
killing spirits, leeching id till bled, ₂₈
a die, a day, a night, a hood, ₂₉
i wished for the luxury of ₃₀
thinking i’d forgotten and ₃₁
that you understood. ₃₂
21.07 1.4.93

It’s been a long time since the muse has taken me anywhere but the woodshed.

Lyrics posted already. Same caveats as In My Shadow. Download it here: Joy and Raven (6:16, 128kbs). Neil Hamilton in on it again.

[book of autumn thirst]

but soon will have to

i gave up this dream of ₁
six more days and i’ll be home ₂
and no more troubled to be alone; ₃
six more months and i’ll be home, ₄
finally content to be alone; ₅
six more years and i’ll be home, ₆
at last secure to be alone; ₇
six more seconds i’ll be home, ₈
the bullet breaks skin then breaks bone. ₉
6.5.95

If bug on bug gives you the itch…

Come back tomorrow for a big wet beaver shot.

I feel like I should apologize, somehow…

…Nah.

As promised, your beaver.

I really like these guys. I hope to get some really good pictures of them one of these days. In about 150 attempts, this is as good as I’ve got. They don’t normally get even this close around here. In flight, the yellow band on the tail is really gorgeous.

[book of autumn thirst]

a wedding would be

your wedding would be ₁
what i’d rather call a weeding ₂
and i’m okay with it. okay? ₃
your fenestration count of three ₄
is strong odds for breeding, ₅
i say, “olé, baby, olé.” ₆
22.47 9.6.95

[book of autumn thirst]

nine years since

i first lay down in the reeds ₁
and banged rocks to scare the seeds ₂
down the bottomless well. well, i’ve ₃
had my regrets, lost the lion’s share of my bets ₄
and despite a picture of el ron hubbard on the wall ₅
i hear she still bleeds. ₆
23.23 15.3.95

So. It’s been years since I did any electronics or system level programming. I hate not knowing how some of the little bits of electronics and even computers work. I know what logics gates are and what they do but I can’t build one. Not tonight anyway. I could when I was 14. Bothers me. So–

Project Effects

I’m starting this project with a few goals.

1. Relearn basic electronics—how to read a schematic, why things, work—and how to put it all together—building from single parts.
2. Build anything that works as a guitar effects processor.
3. Ultimately, build an emulation of a Tychobrahe Octavia guitar effects unit or something just as nice which I’ll actually use to make music.
4. Refine and redo the box in an aesthetically pleasing manner.
5. Relay the information and journey from start to finish here; maybe make it tutorial oriented if I have time to get that detailed.

I found a terrific Korean site for homebuilt custom electronics via Boing Boing. A little poking around found some of the complete items, including this gem.

A headphone amp complete with a vacuum tube built into an Altoids tin. Wow.

I have a nice Radio Shack Electronics kit. I plink with it a bit but haven’t sat down to really learn how impedances add and such. I never really have a reason.

I also discovered some really fantastic guitar effects schematics out there. Plenty of basic ones which I think I could wire without learning much at all. Then I found a wav file of the Tychobrahe Octavia in action and I was sold. If I can manage to build it, I’ll absolutely use it in recording. It sounds lovely: proto-grunge. Grunge before grunge got cynical and was still just sincere and angry.

Tune in next time for … uh, I’m not sure. Shopping for parts?

[book of autumn thirst]

i’d seen the sound

it isn’t possible for you to see this lady of the lake… ₁
she’s a silverpoint sketch, ₂
delicious unto being vicious, ₃
an end of your rope kind of stretch ₄
and there’s a franklin mint plate ₅
with gold leafing ₆
that balances rakish-ish ₇
behind her head, ₈
she never turns ₉
profile—her darkside always ₁₀
turned away—so you’re never ₁₁
quite willing to accept ₁₂
there are no wires. ₁₃
but you’ll never see the sound ₁₄
and the boys that say they do, ₁₅
they’re a bunch of fucking liars. ₁₆
23.55 30.5.95

[book of autumn thirst]

the washington bay

there were so many wolves ₁
singing the washington bay ₂
that i bought into it, ₃
what can i say? i needed to be a tourist, ₄
if just for a few days, ₅
so i didn’t have to be the mossback. ₆
i leaned back and pitched my voice up, ₇
my eyes are primary here ₈
and the townies can be superior to me ₉
while i point at every tree ₁₀
that’s taller than juniper, spruce or piñon can be, ₁₁
i don’t mind. ₁₂
i’m seeing more than they do anymore ₁₃
because scenery is pretty much wasted on locals. ₁₄

when the rains came ₁₅
we traded names, ₁₆
we took hands, ₁₇
and we were brothers, sister. ₁₈

winters evergreen with density ₁₉
that turned purity cleans ₂₀
mimicry of tears to rain. ₂₁
and on one of the lópez isles ₂₂
i heard an alegrias in my head ₂₃
and i’m not ashamed of how it made me feel, ₂₄
if for one second i can ₂₅
stop wanting to ₂₆
kill you all for room ₂₇
and the silence to think. ₂₈

when the rains came ₂₉
we gave up on shame, ₃₀
we put away the guns, ₃₁
and we were sisters, brother. ₃₂

the painting looked like the girl ₃₃
who became the woman ₃₄
who is raising the girl ₃₅
who is becoming a woman ₃₆
who hears the washington bay ₃₇
in her head ₃₈
like wolf cubs do, ₃₉
her feet twitch when she dreams. ₄₀
23.44 30.5.95

There was a copy of Cold Mountain lying around so I picked it up and did what Tom Mayer told me to do to see if something was worth reading or a piece of shit. He didn’t say, “piece of shit.” He didn’t have to.

I flipped to a random page in the middle and started reading. It did hook me so I flipped back to the inset and found–

It is difficult to believe the dreadful but quiet war of organic beings, going on in the peaceful woods, & smiling fields. Charles Darwin, 1839 journal entry

I don’t know if you ever think about that. You should. All the time. Reality, natural reality, the natural world, is bloody, sinister, scheming, and vicious. Humans, and humans alone among all living things, have carved a place into ourselves where murder can even for a moment be considered wrong or unusual; considered anything save the cost of doing business.

Here is one of 10,000 animal interest stories from my own backyard this day–

I think that’s a true bug—perhaps a nymph—sucking the liquefied guts out of that moth. Mmmmmmmmm… liquid guts.

box ii

without you ₁

this is one way mirror, ₂
this is dark box, ₃
i am bloodstained fingertips, ₄
you are goldilocks. ₅

japan tooled eyes with lightening spheres– ₆
i saw this chick in black with blonde, ₇
her eyes were like shiny fears, ₈
tiny stars, fabric and shears. ₉
she smiled at me, ₁₀
now i’m fucking doomed, man. ₁₁
don’t laugh, she’s not a good girl. ₁₂

her comings were quite precise, ₁₃
to say she was on time… ₁₄
this is basis under sated, ₁₅
this is exit sign. ₁₆

light a candle and think of me ₁₇
because since the words began it’s lonely ₁₈
and i didn’t realize it before ₁₉
but by reading the words you’re becoming me. ₂₀
it’s not a mindfuk. ₂₁
they are they, we are we. ₂₂

this is vital learning, ₂₃
this is medical badge. ₂₄
crib the empty kill ₂₅
because it’s a nifty adage. ₂₆

what was in her soul compared with on her face? ₂₇
turn it around, ₂₈
be disgusted by me ₂₉
for an interesting change of pace. ₃₀
but what was she? ₃₁
can you tell me faster than i can? ₃₂

if i had cursed the ₃₃
finger work on your base of spine ₃₄
i’d have known better than to ₃₅
ginger fork your crescent wine. ₃₆

spiral me and velvet slide the ₃₇
rusty sickle you implied, ₃₈
this is cut tongue rotten box, ₃₉
this is you from inside. ₄₀
31.1.93

It hasn’t been raining much and we’ve had a few 90° days lately. Everything that isn’t well shaded is drying out pretty badly. The only new “plant” in the yard that has sprung up without water is that beauty. Went from nothing to “as is” in just a few days. I suppose the dew point gives it plenty to drink in the warm mornings after the cool nights. Some of these probably need the dry heat to get their spores out and about anyway.

[book of autumn thirst]

a kwakiutl god

called us children. ₁
this is the dark matter, ₂
the start up the ladder, ₃
the cedar heart splatter on the floor ₄
of the lodge once it’s slippery cut out ₅
and you place coals along the top ₆
till it’s burned out ₇
and you use a hand axe ₈
till it’s turned out seaworthy; ₉
you decorate it with oregon grapes. ₁₀
rowed out between the islands ₁₁
you loved the gods given of life. ₁₂
2.7·10.8.95

There was a gasoline spill into the bigger creek here; Thornton. I’m told it was probably 100 gallons of gas. Seattle fire responded quickly to stop more from getting in the creek and the hazmat folks got some chemical sucking baffles onto the creek quickly. Supposedly no gas made it past them as far as our house. Good on them if true.

I went looking the next day to see if I could find any fish or if the banks were going to be lined with shiny dead white bellies. I was happily surprised to see a 3" parr right away but fewer fish than are normally around. I guess we won’t know for another year or two when the trout return is normal or not. Trout do seem to be able to thrive in pretty putrid water.

I went up to take pictures of the baffles and Julie noticed a rather large crayfish out of the water. They do get out of the water to do things and sometimes even burrow but not usually out in the daylight like that. So we figured he was trying to escape from the tainted water. Arthropods of all leg counts tend to have rather tipsy biology when it comes to being poisoned. I try to tell that to the a-holes who run their freshly flea-dipped mongrels through there.

Below you can see the proper technique for picking these guys up. Right behind the shoulders or else they will reach around and pinch. He had no trouble pulling up a nearby weed in his claw when I picked him up.

This one was really quite large and lively. My hand makes it look small. I always forget how big I am till I see myself in pictures with familiar objects.

It was a simple idea to move him over to the other, smaller, creek 100 feet away. They merge another hundred feet down so it’s basically the same water as far as he was concerned but the other creek was not involved in the spill.

Here he is, moved from Thornton (or Maple Leaf depending upon which map you read) to Willow creek. I hope I did him a favor and didn’t just serve him up to the raccoons because a crayfish his size might not be able to hide as well in Willow.

So… six days ago I had scoured about 20 sites which sell electronics parts; diodes, resistors, transistors, chipboards, potentiometers, &c. I found a site that seemed uniquely suited to what I was looking for: NightFire Electronic Kits.

Comparing component lists for the Tychobrahe Octavia, the Voodoo Lab Overdrive, and the Popular Electronics Differential Distortion I found that a few of their kits contained most of the needed parts plus tons of extras and plenty of duplicates for a first-timer like me to ruin without having to order again.

I’ve been online since 1992 and I’ve been online almost continuously (2-18 hours a day, no lie) since 1998. When I visited NightFire Electronic Kits my first reaction was, “What? A redirect to a personal site… that’s not cool.” I assumed I couldn’t trust them. But their kits were just too perfect for me so I figured I might as well try.

I ordered $25 worth of stuff. The order confirmation said I could expect delivery—not just shipping but delivery—in 2-5 business days. I thought, “Oh, now I know they’re crooks. That just doesn’t happen.” I set in to waiting for the rip-off to play out and checked my credit card account every day.

Last night I dreamt I got the stuff and started building with it like a pro. This morning I check the mail and—4 business days after ordering—it was there and it all looks great!

I got about four times as much stuff for $25 as I did at Radio Shack last week. And with online ordering I didn’t have to endure a retail troll hovering over my shoulder constantly telling me that the jacks and battery clips that cost a dollar more are so much better.

I don’t know if these guys are normally this quick and reliable but it seems likely so I highly recommend them.