About this site

Here is the outline describing why you would be here.

1. You read something on this site, found accidentally via a search engine or another site’s link.
2. You knew me once and found this place intentionally.

A. seems innocuous, even serendipitous. B. seems like a chance for a welcome reconnection, indulgence in the nostalgia of glory days. The trouble is, predictably, if that’s how it seems, it hasn’t been thought out far enough.

Fleshed out–

1. You read something on this site, found accidentally via a search engine or another site’s link.
   1. The search was for something like “child pornography” which by coincidence matched terms on a page here. You checked the “About” page in the vain hope there were still some photos of pre-pubescent genitals to be found.
   2. The link that brought you here was from a site which posted a vitriolic diatribe about how completely awful my writing and I are.
      1. You will proceed to find my contact information and write me heinous emails.
      2. You will sign me up for gay porn spam.
      3. You’ll sponsor legislation to have me stopped.
2. You knew me once and found this place intentionally.
   1. You’re a lawyer for Corbis or Amazon.
      1. You’ll try to hang $10,000,000 of shit on me because I was unable to talk those jack-asses out of using copyrighted materials.
   2. You’re someone I really would love to hear from.
      1. You won’t write.
      2. You will write and not sign your email. I’ll confuse you with someone else and we’ll both be humiliated.
   3. You want to take another shot, literally, at me and are looking for my whereabouts.
      1. As stupid, slow, and poor a marksman as you are, you’ll still find clues to bring you to my porch. I’ll have to shoot you and might end up doing hard time because I live in a Blue state.
   4. You’re someone I met in Italy or Korea or somewhere else and your English isn’t good enough to find or decipher my contact information.
   5. You think that I owe you something, emotional or material, which you’re looking to collect.
      1. You’ll exploit my inability to kick a wounded animal—until you push the wrong button on the wrong night. See B.3.a. for worst case outcome.
   6. In spite of the site’s very name, you have me confused with a murdered 12 year-old girl or a NY guitar chick or a body of water named after my great-grandfather or the defunct New Mexico rock combo named after it.
      1. You’ll continue to name your ridiculous off-spring after 6 of my male ancestors, myself, my son, and my cousin.
      2. You’ll ask me for my ID at the Wendy’s drive through window or at the Starbuck’s counter one too many times. See B.3.a. for the increasingly likely outcome.
      3. We’ll sue each other over the right to use the name “Ashley Pond” as recording artists. See B… oh, you can see where this is going.

Are you still here?

This is a creative journal with a sometimes side of diary. New or old, I shall post something every day.

What you won’t find here is overt editorial and celebrity hate-mail. That’s filed under Sedition·com. Nor will you find dirty, dirty mother jokes or Jesus bashing with JavaScript. That’s filed under QueryLog.

If you want a bit more or are willing to dig to get to my email address, here you go, About the “author” and me online.